I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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