Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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