Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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