Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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