so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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