please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
