I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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