All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Enjoy the penises
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
