my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
