I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
