i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
