I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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