Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
