your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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