I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
