well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
