I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
