im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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