I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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