i would punch a child for taco bell
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My liver just had a heart attack.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
