well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
