What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
