my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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