then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
