Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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