I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
