Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
