Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
