You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
