Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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