And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
