I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
