I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
