My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
