can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
