so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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