I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
