...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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