farters have to be the big spoon...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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