I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
