there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
