is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
