never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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