Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
