it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
