How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
