was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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