this just has baby written all over it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
