It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize