I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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