hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
