Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
