jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
