I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
