Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
