so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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