So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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