Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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