Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
