Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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