Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
