That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
