Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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