i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
