I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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