You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
