The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
