Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
