I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
