When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
can u get pink eye on your cock?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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