We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
