im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
