I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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