i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
