I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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