You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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